The need for self love

While randomly surfing around for self-improvement tips, I came across an article on the need for self love. And I think it is valid to share. According to the article, one will be a happier person if he/she needs not be always doing things to make others happy in order to make themselves happy. It speaks of the type of person who derive happiness from others' feedback on their kind act. It says  that without self love - if I give you a gift, I give it because it’s what I want to do, but I do it wanting you to like it and, by association, like me (with expectation). If you like it and praise me, I might feel warm and good about myself. If you don’t like it I might feel very sad and disappointed, leading to thoughts that I have failed and let you down. My sense of self has decreased because I didn’t fulfill my goal of you liking my gift and giving me love and acceptance back.

Errrmmm, I don't know about you but I do feel damn sad when the "gift", whatever that is, that I had painstakingly prepared for someone is not (perceived by me to be) appreciated by the recipient. There were times that I had spent hours shopping for a thoughtful gift or spent hours hand making a gift with the recipient simply quipping a lukewarm thank you and putting it aside soon after it passes hand. The article said that people with self-love would react differently to the same situation. With self-love: if I give you a gift, I give it because it’s what I want to do and I do it without expectation. If you don’t like it I might feel sad or disappointed, but I can accept that’s your choice. Either way, I still know that what I did was a kind thing and I still have a good sense of self-love and self-acceptance. 

Going by the theory, it would mean I lack a general sense of self-love?  - which I think could be true. I do think that I'm overly concerned if others like me and what I can do to make people like me. Oftentimes I conform to social norms even if it's not my preferred option. I feel guilty when I say no to someone and I worry the person may be upset. I had realized that "self-sacrificial" unhappy side of me and had been challenging myself to be myself more and not what others prefer one to be. Reading the self-love article makes me feel that it is not too selfish to value my inner self more! Ha!

Here's some tips to more self-love. 

• Self-care.

  Self-care means you treat yourself just as kindly and thoughtfully as you would anyone else. If you are uncomfortable doing something, then you don’t do it and that’s OK. Just because somebody might be disappointed that you didn’t help him or her, that’s his or her choice to feel that way.

• Considering your needs.

  If that means others don’t get all of you, all the time, then that’s also OK. People can learn to adjust and be responsible for themselves.

• Caring for yourself with the same level of effort that you do for others.

  That might mean you don’t always fulfill your goal of helping others because you’d prefer to spend time doing something for yourself. That’s not selfish.

• Accepting yourself for all that you are — both your positive aspects and your human fallibility. 

  You cannot be all good all the time. That’s OK. You can work on self-improvement, but that doesn’t mean you discount the parts of yourself you don’t like as much. Those aspects are still part of your whole.

• Saying no to others’ requests.

  That’s OK. You are not totally responsible for everybody else’s needs.